I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
There are leaves in my underwear?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
