it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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