yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
