pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
ok first of all what the fuck
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
