Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
