Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
