obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
