how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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