Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
