Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
