well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
