Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
