mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
time to smoke my breakfast
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
