More tranny stories later!
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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