Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
