My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
