no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
