I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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