How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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