dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
