She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
