I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
