Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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