1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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