awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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