I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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