so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
