My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
