I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He shit in the fireplace
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