I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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