I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize