I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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