she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
