Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
