filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
