She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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