Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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