I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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