I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
if only i could text you this smell
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
