i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
