I hate your face
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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