They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
