i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
