Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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