Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
