The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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