i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
