Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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