Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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