I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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