My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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