Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
