I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
